Arrogant, superior, stuck up or just independent and badass?
When you google self-sufficient, the first definition that is displayed by Google is “needing no outside help in satisfying one’s basic needs, especially with regard to the production of food”. Which, in my books, is a funny jab at my Joey-esque habits when it comes to food, or more importantly, sharing it. However, the second definition is more appropriate and it goes like this “emotionally and intellectually independent”. Sounds pretty good, right off the bat, right? So why would it be a curse? Well, there’s reasons, mainly correlated to how people interpret your self-sufficiency, however, let’s talk the good stuff first.
You’re an independent warrior princess who don’t need no man
Joke or no joke, it’s great to be able to not need other people’s help. Whether we’re talking emotional or physical, knowing that you can count on yourself and that yes, you can do it is great and it’s an amazing confidence booster as well. I might be a little cynical, but with very few exceptions, I believe that, at the end of the day, the only person who will always be there when you need them is yourself. People disappoint, even if it’s not on purpose, so why not spare yourself that pain from the start? I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask for help when you need it, or not accept it when it’s offered – but it’s a great, reassuring feeling to know that you’ve got your back anyway.
You stop caring what people think about you
When you know yourself, when you’ve got your shit together & when you believe in yourself, what other people have to say about it ceases to matter. One of my favourite sayings ever is “if they don’t pay your rent, pay them no mind”. And it’s so true. You pay your damn rent, so who cares who thinks that dress looks like shit on you? Pretty sure they didn’t pay for that either.
You stop seeing validation from anyone but yourself
This one goes hand in hand with not caring about what people think, but it’s a tad more important. Lots of people only feel successful if they receive certain prizes or praise from authoritative figures, or just the people around them – and that sucks. Because you should only care about how you feel about yourself when you put your head on the pillow at night. Of course I care about what the people I love think about me, however, I don’t let my self confidence depend upon whether my lover thinks I’m beautiful or not. I don’t just feel good when he compliments me (of course that’s nice too, though), I also feel good when I tell myself I’m da bomb every morning when looking in the mirror.
Some people will think you’re an arrogant bitch
To be honest, I’d much rather be seen as an arrogant bitch than a shy wuss, but that’s not the point here. Not looking for acceptance in others and not taking every piece of unsolicited advice will automatically strike you a superiority card in some people’s books. Well, it’s a good think we don’t care about what people think, right? All jokes aside, it sometimes bother me that people see me like that. If anything, I am intimidated by pretty much everyone around me and I feel inferior in most social settings. It’s just that I know what is good for me. I know who I am, what I want and how hard I am willing to work to get it. Of course I take all advice I get into consideration, however nobody will ever get to know me the way I know myself, so I only follow what I feel will work for me. Nothing personal.
It will sometimes hurt the people I love
I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide that from that moment on, I would become self-sufficient. I became like this after years of having to face bullying, my parents’ divorce, having sucky friends who broke my heart and the list can go on. The sad truth is that a lot of people whom I loved in this life let me down, so I learned to fend for myself and to act so as not to get hurt. While on the one hand that sounds like a really great life path, on the other hand it made me close off. It’s very hard for me to talk about my feelings, my fears – I’m quite frigid when it comes to emotional intimacy, if you will (no worries, I’m a freak in bed though). This hurts the people who love me and want to get close to me and hurting them hurts me, I’m hurt, they want to know why, but I don’t talk about it, they’re hurt by that and I’m guessing you get the infinite loop this gets us all stuck in. Working on it, I swear.
Dress: Fashion Nova Curve
There’s good parts and bad parts to everyone I guess. Sadly, some parts of us are not as easy to understand for other people, however the best thing we can do is try to explain them – and maybe work on the aspects that end up hurting the people who matter to us. We’ve all got baggage, yet it sucks that something that’s helped us deal with life makes it seem like we’re crappy people.