Since there’s no polite way of saying I love you, but I’m tired of being with you right now”
Whenever my boyfriend would leave town for a few days or even weeks, I’d feel tremendous guilt. Why? Because sometimes before the guilt, I’d feel relief. That sounds horrible, I know. However, we’ve got personalities that in certain aspects are the complete opposite. He’s really, really sociable & loud, he needs the attention and constant presence of people around him. There’s always some sort of noise being produced when we’re at home: if he’s not talking to me, he’s talking on the phone. If he’s not talking at all, he listens to music. If he doesn’t listen to music, he sings. If not, he hums, he whistles he does anything just to not stay in complete silence. He paces around the house like a madman whenever he talks on the phone – and by talks, I mean screams – yup, he’s a screamer. Which are all quirks of him that I learned to love, however I really need my fucking silence once in a while. So, as the veritable introvert I am, whenever it was just me for a few days, I’d be thrilled, then feel immense guilt for being a sucky human being. Alas, my first lifehack:
Stop feeling guilty for who you are
As long as you’re not kicking out your boyfriend to have some alone time & you’re just enjoying it when it happens, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Some people love noise & other people, I love my cats (they’re silent too) and a good series. We’re probably hurting fewer people than those who are not introverts anyway, since we live mostly in our own world – so why feel guilty about it? This is you, how your personality works and the people who really care about you will understand that sometimes you just don’t feel like talking. It’s really not you, it’s me.
Whenever you go to an event or you are in a situation where you know certain things are going to be expected of you, think of what you’re going to say beforehand. In your first day at work, high school, university, etc there’s a huge change someone will make you “talk a little bit about yourself”. The horror, I know. It makes the whole situation a lot less stressful if you have a little story in your head already. Or when you’re going to an event where people who barely know you will ask you “so, what’s up” a million times, just think of a little story beforehand.
Be the one who asks first
Speaking of events, the small talk terrifies me. What do you do when an almost stranger asks you what’s up? It’s not like you can literally go into your issues because, well, you’re kind of strangers and answering with just “fine” is really awkward and leads to an even more awkward silence. So, if you didn’t have the time to prepare an acceptable story, be the one who asks the other person. Then, you’ll be able to continue the conversation based on something they said.
Listen to your needs
I know this doesn’t sound like a life hack, however I am pretty sure it’s the most practical advice there ever is. Just don’t give in to the pressure other people put on you to change and do what you feel is right. If it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to speak more, go out more often or make more friends. If you are truly content with what your life’s like right now, no one has the right to make you change.
And, sometimes, go out of your comfort zone
It’s important to push yourself, as that’s the only way you can grow as a person. I went from shaking and feeling faintish before a class presentation in front on 20 people I knew to speaking in front of 600 people. It was scary as hell, but I did it and it definitely boosted my self esteem and made me believe in my capabilities more. The only important thing I feel I need to mention yet again is that you only do it for yourself, not because other people are nagging you about it.