There are two types of people on this earth: People who masturbate and people who lie about it.
Yup, you read that right. We’re kicking off our new sexcellent series, Doing The Do, in force. Actually, I’m not even sure it’s in force, as I believe it’s the natural way to start a series about sex. It’s only natural to know yourself first, before you include somebody else, right?
Ah, masturbation. The M word. The taboo-est of the taboo subjects. The most hidden of all secrets. From going blind, to growing hair inside your palm, we’ve heard all kinds of threats thrown towards us masturbating people. And it’s a shame that it’s a shame. Because our sexual instinct is probably the most natural instinct there is.
I started masturbating before I even knew what sex was. I can’t remember the first time I did it. I just know I was rubbing my clitoris until that great sense of relief came over me. I do remember the first time I got caught. Something in the way my mother asked me what I was doing made me feel instantly ashamed and realise that it was something I needed to hide while doing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have incredibly open minded parents who gave me my first sexual education lesson when I was around 8 or 9 – I remember I was in my first years at school. I do remember that one too, like it was yesterday. I was in the bathtub and I asked my dad about babies, so he told me how they come to be. I guess my curiosity arose from the fact that I had just gotten a baby brother. Some might say that teaching your kids about sex at that age is too early, however I am really thankful that my parents were honest with me. I did not turn out to be a sexual predator, so no harm done.
My point is, how can you deny that masturbation and the sexual instinct is something that comes naturally to us, when so many kids start doing it without even having a clue about what sex is?
I kept my little ventures to myself and only masturbated when I was sure I was alone and no one could possibly find me. Even though my parents told me about sex, we’ve never really taught about masturbation – and I was too shy to ask. I heard people talking about sex sometimes, I saw articles about it in magazines, however I never really stumbled upon anything related to masturbation. So, I thought it was something weird, something only I was doing, something that I HAD TO keep a secret.
Another funny little story about my masturbation ventures was when I first got my period. After I had masturbated with my fingers as well one night, I noticed a drop of something brown on my panties. I panicked – it was most definitely not poop, however nothing brown ever came out of my vagina before. I was terrified – I thought that I did something while masturbating the night before. I thought I broke my vagina. I took off my panties and hid them in my panty drawer. After a few hours, the new ones I was wearing were soiled brown as well. By now I was convinced that I definitely ruined my vagina, that I will never be able to find a man to love me and considered the possibility or it falling off. In order to solve my issue, I put on yet another pair of panties, carefully hiding the second pair as well. A few hours later, the brown discharge appeared again, yet this time it was accompanied by severe tummy pain. At this point I was slowly but surely coming to terms with my sentence: I was dying. I went to sleep sullen and scared, wondering if I would wake up the next morning.
The next morning I woke up, cramps still there and I fearfully headed towards the bathroom. When I took my panties off to inspect them, there it was: one almost perfectly round drop of blood. It all made sense then. I wasn’t dying, it was my first period. I went to my mom, panties in hand, tears in my eyes. She said nothing, she just wrapped her arms around me and hugged tight.
I learned masturbation is not something to be ashamed about as I grew up. Unlike when it came to sex, I never started a conversation about it with my parents. And I’ve been blessed with very open minded parents, with whom I had and have a great relationship. So, I can only imagine the shame and guilt someone who isn’t as lucky as me feels about it. It’s time to put those feelings to rest, right? Here’s why.
REASONS TO MASTURBATE:
Before anyone else, you must (make) love to yourself
You know how on airplanes, they tell you that in case of emergencies, you have to put on the oxygen mask on yourself, then help others? I think it’s the same with sex. It takes two to tango, however, before you go at it in pairs, you learn the steps individually. How are you to have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone if you don’t have one with yourself? You must learn what you like, how to get off, what grinds your gears – there’s a lot of trial and error in sex, however sometimes your partner can’t read your mind and things get a lot more pleasurable if you tell them the Dos and Don’ts.
It reduces stress & helps you sleep better
Don’t believe me? Google some studies. Or, better yet, try it yourself.
It relieves menstrual pain
I know, I know there are few things unsexier than period cramps. I have writhed, puked, screamed and cried through many pains myself. Sometimes very strong pain medicine would help, sometimes it wouldn’t. But you know what made it at least a tiny bit better every time? An orgasm. While period sex might not be everybody’s cup of tea, a handie never hurt nobody. Au contraire.
It burns calories?
Maybe? I’d like to think so, honestly. They say sex does, so maybe a wild time by yourself does to. It doesn’t hurt trying. Feels quite good every time, actually.
It provides a boost of oxytocin
Why should you care? Because it’s that thing that makes you feel happier. A boost of oxytocin also helps in controlling your emotionally triggered food cravings, for example (which I guess could almost count as burning calories, so, yes, I was right).
It improves your self esteem
Studies have shown that women who regularly masturbate are more likely to feel better about their bodies – and this is, usually, one of the main sources of unhappiness. So, say good bye to body image issues and say hello to a brand new vibrator.
REASONS NOT TO MASTURBATE:
You can get hand cramps (is it worth though? hell yes!)
I’ve been a one woman show for most of my life until recently and, oh god, I had no clue what I was missing out on. My first sexual toy is the Adore Beauty, a pink (duuh) tool that, to be honest, looks more like a nightstand decoration than a vibrator. I chose the “Rabbit” shaped one both because of the extra clit stimulation it provides and also because Charlotte is my spirit animal. If you’ve seen Sex And The City, you can’t not remember the episode in which Miranda forces Charlotte to buy The Bunny. She obviously protests, then, the following week, each time the girls invited Charlotte out, she’d cancel or refuse, claiming she was busy. The girls head over to her place for an intervention and it turns out Charlotte would spend all evenings at home, with Mr Bunny.
Alas, I did not spend all my days at home since I got my Mr Bunny, although I have to admit it was tempting. Using a vibrator is very different than having sex with a man, so I don’t think it’s fair to compare them, howeveeeer… it’s quite damn fun. A million times better than just taking care of yourself.
Besides the bunny, which stimulates the clitoris, the top of the vibrator itself rotates as well. Both the vibrations and the rotations can be set at various speeds and intensities, per your desire. The battery lasts up to eight and a half hours, so it’s not likely that it will die when you least expect it (like some men do).
Long story short? It makes the nights when my man’s away a lot less lonely and spices up the nights when we’re together.
My Mr Bunny is just one alternative in the wide selection you can find on LoveIsland.ro
Phew, this was long. And I could go on talking about it for pages and pages on end, because few things are as benefic to our bodies & minds, yet as stigmatized as masturbation. What you do in your bedroom is your own business, especially if you’re only doing yourself.