For when your life becomes the fairytale and you find yourself in need of a hero
I guess we all know the story of The Little Red Riding Hood. She’s a nice, kind girl who has to cross the woods in order to visit her sick grandma. On her way, she meets a wolf who’s rather charming and seems nice, so she tells him all about it. But of course the wolf is not actually nice, he’s a wolf after all, so he takes a shortcut, eats the girl’s grandma and when she arrives, she eats her too. The great news, however, is that there was also a hunter in the woods who is perspicacious enough to notice that something’s off with the wolf, so he frees them. The hero. The end.
But what’s the connection between real life and this (kind of fucked up, if you ask me) children’s story? Come to think of it, we have lots and lots of wolves in our lives. Whether they are people whom we trust & end up betraying us, or our own insecurities, that’s not even an issue. It’s normal to have more or less charming wolves on the prowl, because the thing is, we cannot control other people’s actions. There are shitty people out there, maybe even closer than you think and nothing that you do, or no matter how you act, if they want to fuck you over, they will. My point is, however, is that you can only control your actions and the way you perceive and process things.
You can either open the door for the wolves, or you can lower your TV’s volume and pretend you’re not home.
That’s the first & smartest way to do it. Stop listening to the voices inside your head that trigger your insecurities, literally just ignore them the way you zone out when you’re having dinner with your (kind of annoying) overly talkative grandpa. If your wolf is a person, save yourself the hurt by being cautious, by not completely putting your trust into someone you don’t really know.
However, if they’re already in, stop waiting for someone to come and let them out.
As clicheic as that sounds, please stop complaining and be your own hero. Take charge, face the people who hurt and manipulate you and deal with your emotions. Yes, it’s hard. It sucks, you might stir up drama & conflict, you’ll cry, you’ll scream, it’ll feel like crap. But I promise you that you’ll have to go through a lot more misery if you keep waiting for someone to save you. Mainly because that person might not ever come. And if they do, they might leave you one day.
How To Be Your Own Hero
Own up to your mistakes and naïveté
We spend so much time playing the role of the victim and blaming others for what is happening to us. I know more than anyone how hard it is to admit that I was wrong and that I am to blame and not somebody else. Sometimes I swear I feel I’d rather die than admit I was wrong. But I am wrong sometimes. I am wrong and I am naive and I know it takes a lot of guts to admit that even when someone stabs me in the back, it’s on me – because I gave them the power to do so. I am not a victim, but a result of all my actions, thoughts and choices. Sometimes that is really cool, sometimes, when bad things happen, it’s very hard to accept. But it is what it is and I am the only one who can take charge of my life, so I will.
Stop always complaining
We have a tendency to not talk much about the good stuff in our life, yet when it comes to the bad stuff, we complain about it for weeks on end. For me, it’s a mix of not appreciating what I achieve enough (I am working on it) and not wanting to seem arrogant or like I’m showing off. I always have the feeling that if I only talk about the good stuff that is happening and I don’t join in the life is horrible and then we die parade, people will see me as stuck up. But talking less about what makes me sad or anxious and talking more about makes me happy puts me in such a better mood and, honestly, I believe that what you think is what you become and that your thoughts have an influence of how your reality is shaped. So, call me stuck up and a show off, but you’re going to hear me complain a lot less, because I want to be a happy person. I think this world would be a much better place if we all put a little more effort into being happy, rather than being rich, skinny and whatever else society decides is valuable.
3. Stop deciding your self worth based on what people think
And, more importantly, if you’re a woman, stop feeling good about yourself only if you’ve got a relationship. No matter what you do, like seriously, no matter how skinny you are, how smart you are, what you achieve, what you buy, what you invent, you still will not be able to control what people think about you. And, yes, no matter how amazing you are, there still will be people who will think you’re shit. That is the ugly truth. So why fuss about it so much? It’s out of your control. You know who you are, what you can do and you must set your worth according to that, no the people in your life. They come and go, you’re the only constant.
4. Step up and take charge
Got toxic people in your life? Do something about it. Hate your job? Likewise. Stop waiting for something to happen, someone to come and save you, God to give you a sign, whatever. You don’t need anyone but yourself to change your life, you are strong enough and you can do it. The fear can be mind numbing, I know, I’ve felt it. But, no matter how hard a decision can be, if it’s the right one for you, you will feel so much better afterwards.
Stop letting people take advantage of you
This has a lot to do with the stop being naive and a victim part, but I feel that it needs it own separate toot. We allow other people to use us, whether we’re talking physically or psychically and then we find excuses for them of the whole situation. Or, worse, we blame them for being crappy people, but never think about how we allowed them in our life. So much hurt comes from this and it’s a shame, since it could stop with only a few healthy decisions. Whether it’s a friend who wants to meed up to complain about the same thing a millionth time or a colleague who asks your help to cover their asses, make the decision that is right for you. If you’re too tired or feel that a scenario might drain you or do you harm, say no. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a good friend or a good colleague, however you deserve to place yourself first, at least from time to time.
Be kind to yourself
In my book, this is the most important of them all. Cut yourself some slack. Stop overcriticising and holding yourself to a standard so high you’d never ever hold anyone else to. If you made a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. If you feel like you can’t get out of bed today, take a day off and try to be better tomorrow. I’ve said it before, but people come and go. The only relationship that will never end is the one you have with yourself. Pay more attention to it, appreciate it, treasure it.